Tired of Measuring Up – Part 1
This information is from a book called “Tired of Trying to Measure Up” by by Jeffrey Vanvonderen
Are you a Christian who lives under a deeply ingrained code of written and unwritten expectations and rules that shame you and drain you of spiritual strength? Here are some signs:Always struggling spiritually, but never feeling anything but tiredness.
Always feeling guilty – nothing is ever “good enough”
Rest is impossible – even when its needed.
Performance expectations prove you’ll never “measure up”
The Christian life has ceased to be a joy.
Excessive guilt by others
If this describes you, then read further to get free. This is a message to help you unmask the lies that keep you on a works-righteousness treadmill, and to help you discover the liberation of the gospel of grace in Jesus Christ and the rest that comes through what Christ has done on the cross.
First, lets look at the root of the lie of your battle. You are probably not even aware of it but here it is. The root is shame.
Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, you sense that God was disappointed in you?
Do you feel a deep, abiding sense of defectiveness, which is a sense of shame?
Shame is often confused with guilt. But they’re not the same.
God created you so that when you do something wrong you experience a sense of guilt. Guilt is like a spiritual nerve-response to sin, an emotion in response to wrong behavior. Those uncomfortable impulses that stab your conscience are meant to turn you away from the wrong you are doing and turn you back to God. In a sense, guilt is a healthy.
Shame is not just a feeling, though it is often spoken of it that way. Shame is the belief or mindset that something is wrong with you. It is something you can live with and not necessarily be aware of it. It is a sense or belief that a person is deficient, effective or worthless as a human being.
Shame is developed by way of looking at yourself. Shame is a standard of your environment. It’s a lie you believe that you are never acceptable. Deep down, you believe something is wrong with you. What happens is a shame-based system is built which can be a family, a school, a church, or Christian group in which the authority figures demand a certain level of performance, whether spoken or implied. If you don’t live by that standard then the message is that you simply do not measure up (Shame on you!).
Shame can even keep you at a distance from me. Why would God want to hear from someone like me? Especially when a person might have failed to meet up to the standard of the environment. Meaning, trying to measure u to the standards of other people.
Living with that continuous sense of shame, is entering into a process that involves four steps: trying, trying harder, and trying my hardest or giving up.
In order to understand the deep effects shame has on an individual, it’s necessary to go through a process:
To what extent has your personality been shaped by a sense of shame?
To what degree have your views about life and other people been effected?
How much does a sense of shame limit you – dictating what you do or don’t do?
Has shame caused you to become a victim, always at the mercy of people who are demanding, authoritative?
Do you ever feel or think that God feels so far away most of the time? You feel guilty for feeling that way when you are a Christian?
Do you work like crazy to get your job situation turned around the then ruin it? It couldbe in another form such as ministry as well.
Carefully consider the following traits, some of these might be you:
The first group of traits concerns how you relate to yourself. You have a shame-based identity. By my definition, that means you suffer from low self-esteem, or a negative self-concept. You base your assessment of yourself on the “fact” that you are a bad person, defective, inadequate, unlovable, undeserving.
Acceptance From God
Second, you are a highly performance-conscience. Meaning working for your worth in whatever area. The truth is the only way to get life, value and acceptance from God is to accept it as a free gift.
Third, you don’t know yourself very well. This comes from relationships that you a person feel ashamed because you have needs, feelings, opinions, or struggles which can cause a person to become out of touch with their own needs. Do you when you come in touch with your own needs, scold yourself for being selfish or undeserving?
Fourth, you are frequently unaware of your own feelings. Because the feelings was frowned upon, you learned to hide or ignore yours. You’ve become an expert at “stuffing them”; because feeling hurts too much.
Emotions are much part of who a person is. Being unaware of your feelings prevents you from making wise choices in response to them. You’re controlled by feelings in a way you probably don’t recognize. Do you do everything possible to avoid stressful situations and keep peace, but you always seem to find yourself in the midst of conflict anyway?
Fifth, you have a tendency to be idolatrous. Many people who have missed out on their parents’ blessing look for that lost love in all the wrong places… in an attempt to try to meet legitimate needs in an illegitimate way! Meaning, you look on externals such as people’s opinion on you, clothes, money, relation, your behavior, your children’s behavior, etc.
High Level of Anxiety
Sixth, you have a high level of anxiety. Since your sense of well being comes from things that are totally up for grabs (people’s opinion, your ability to keep everyone happy, doing enough at church, etc.) you often feel anxious.
Get good teaching about the bride of Christ and the Bridegroom. See International House of Prayer Free Teachings by Mike Bickle.
Tired of Measuring Up:
by: Traci Morin
Servant and Ordained Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ
Touch of God Healing Ministries (a healing and deliverance ministry located in Dallas, Texas). If you live in the Dallas area, come to Set Free Bible Study and start your journey of healing!
If you are not saved, please look to get saved because time is short.
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