Part 5 – Broken Heart series
If the spirit is damaged, wounded or corrupted in any way, and our ability to relate normally to others, to ourselves and to God is hampered. For a small minority of the wounded the damage is only slight; they are able to get on with their lives with the hurt causing only a minimum of irritation or inconvenience. Many more of the wounded are more affected and limp through life. They survive a relatively normal life but fail to realize their full potential in their friendships, in their marriages, in their day-to-day relationships with others and their full potential that God has for them. Then there are those with extreme or severe damage to their spirit. These people are greatly incapacitated; dysfunctional with all manner of emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, relational and financially. These people are forced to crawl or need to be carried through life.
Has anyone ever told you that you have a broken heart or tried to help you get your heart healed! Have you met people that no matter how hard they try to walk, they seem to fall or one day have faith and the next not but have doubt and unbelief? That’s because they have a broken heart and cannot stand. You can tell them to stand on the word, quote promises but they cannot.
When you have a broken heart, you have a hard time believing what God has done for you. You are accepted, child of God, etc. You loose sight or never come into understanding our inheritance or identity in Christ. You can quote the word of God or the promises of God but the promises don’t come. Why, because your heart is broken. You have holes like a bucket with holes in it. You put promises of God in the bucket but it flows out the holes because you are not able to overcome the rejection, abandonment, guilt, shame, fear and a host of other tormenting fruit from Satan’s kingdom. A person with a broken heart usually progress often bringing diseases with it because they are caught up on the performance wheel. Are you madly striving to prove to the world and to ourselves that you have value or worth? Are you trying to gain love and acceptance from our parents by doing things and never getting the recognition or acceptance but you still do it? Or did you just simply shut down living in a silent merciless hell of isolation or a little of both?
The Hebrew word translated broken is a strong word. It means, “Wrecked, shattered, even crippled or maimed.” The Hebrew word for wounded is “to profane (to profane oneself, defile oneself, pollute oneself a) ritually b) sexually), defile, pollute, desecrate: 1) to violate the honor of, dishonor; 2) to violate (a covenant), 4) to treat as common.
A broken heart comes from life’s devastations. Life’s devastation is that God never wanted us to be trapped in or have happened to any of His children. Through a broken heart, strongholds are formed in the mind.
Have you been told to grab your promises and stand on it, confess it until it happens – that is biblical depending on how it was taught. Are you told to give for your healing to these faith preachers and did not get your healing or blessing? Maybe they are wrong. You’ve been told in Proverbs 3:5 to Trust the Lord with all thy heart. How can you trust the Lord or have faith to stand on the promises of God with a broken heart! The faith preachers are telling you to grab your promises and have faith to get your crop come in. Your crop doesn’t come in because you have a broken heart because you have a breach in love. You are not able to stand totally in faith. How important is faith. We are told without faith it is impossible to please god (Mark 11:22-23).
We are suppose to meditate in the promises of God. With a broken heart, you will be hindered and not able to stand 100% of the time in faith in God. You will have doubt and unbelief come into your mind from Satan, father of lies, telling you that you are rejected and unlovable, etc. He will say that God really doesn’t love you.” You will believe it and stop standing for the promises because with a broken heart it is hard to believe in the truth.
Hebrews 10:17 “AND THEIR SINS AND THEIR LAWLESS DEEDS I WILL REMEMBER NO MORE.” A person with a broken heart walks in guilt. It does not matter how many times you tell them they are forgiven, they still walk in guilt, shame, condemnation from the enemy. It becomes a stronghold in the mind.
When you have a stronghold you have something that has a hold of you and you cannot behave any differently then from that character or nature of that stronghold. Such as if you have fear, you are going to view the world with fear. When light comes through the filter of fear, rejection, guilt, shame, etc.
A stronghold is a strongman, which is a devil that has a hold on your life that has a characteristic that is antichrist, and it behaves that way. Most often will sound like your own voice. Most people, Christians, have been fellowshipping with devils by believing the lies of the enemy or submitting to the lies. Spiritually rooted circumstances require spiritual results.
Paul talks about casting down imaginations (the strongholds) in 2 Corinthians 10:5. What are the imaginations? First, we need to realize there are two spirit world realities (Satan and God). Imaginations are lies from Satan. From Satan you will hear such things as you are a looser, you are not good enough, you are not going to make it, never be healed, set free, etc. It is all the things that go against what God says he wants for you. We are to cast down imaginations. That’s why Paul talks about weapons of our warfare are not carnal but are mighty through God for pulling down strongholds and casting down vein imaginations that are against God.
How can you have faith, peace with God, and rejoice in the hope of the glory of God in your sufferings and tribulations if you have a broken heart. You cannot! If you have a broken heart, again, you will believe the lies of the enemy telling you lies that are opposite to God’s word.
Jesus didn’t say that bad things were not going to happen to you, but He did give you the tools through the Gospel of Christ to be healed.
In Psalms 147:3, Scripture states, speaking of God: “He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds”.
Hebrews 4:14-16 states Jesus lived a life of sorrows and understood how to heal the broken heart!
We all deal with unfinished business and unresolved issues; time doesn’t necessarily heal old wounds of abuse; healing is slow and arduous.
How do you know if you have a broken heart? Read the list below. A person with a deep broken heart struggle in many of the areas listed below:
- Cannot understand the things of God. Don’t think God loves you like He loves others.
- Develops Multiple Chemical Sensitivity and many other diseases to follow. Read testimonies of others. Persons healed from multiple chemical sensitivity. 1. Kristi http://www.journey2wholeness.org/testimony/kristi.html, 2 JB http://www.journey2wholeness.org/testimony/gina.html, 3. Cheryl http://www.journey2wholeness.org/testimony/cheryl.html
- Inability to Recognize God’s Presence.
- Cannot bring forth good things in their lives. They seem to have more things go wrong than good.
- Not being blessed financially even when they give tithes. Not able to stand until your crop comes in (financially).
- Have a hard time reading the word and meditating on the word.
- Living in mental pain and trapped or preoccupied with the past. Dwelling on negative events.
- Will seem spiritually asleep and spiritually immature.
- Struggles understanding teaching.
- People in authority that hurt them and did not love them and have a trust problem.
- They go by feelings and cannot go by faith.
- Come across as a negative person and have chronic hostility, sarcasm, and cynicism, critical and judgmental of others.
- Will be caught up in works instead of grace meaning being performance oriented to prove their worth.
- Has a hard time receiving love from others or love themselves.
- Will have a history of seeing psychologist, etc. and even problems with thoughts of suicide.
- They will be negative about everything and not able to see anything positive and will lack peace and joy. History of depression and other mental disorders.
- Will have more things go wrong in their lives.
- Will not know their identity in Christ and know your promises in Him especially during trials and hear the truth but cannot hold onto the truth.
- Not able to keep God’s commandments and will have trouble with sin. Prone to adultery and pornography and want to feel love and feel better. Possibly other addictions to food and people such as codependency!
- Will be fearful.
- Will have physical ailments that seem to not go away.
- You will not be able to get rid of your anger and have fits of anger and rage when feeling rejected.
- Will view himself or herself as the sufferer and want self-pity from others.
- Will blame others by holding others responsible for the misery in their life.
How does someone get a broken heart? Here are some of the ways (abuse, unkind words, sorrow, betrayal, false accusations, divorce, rejection/abandonment, trauma, conditional love, etc.) listed below.
Abuse – Abuse takes on four forms: physical, spiritual/religious abuse or cult abuse (emotional, mental and verbal), sexual and psychological abuse (emotional, mental and verbal). Abusers are usually brought up in a dysfunctional family. The more abusive the adult, the more dysfunctional the family …and so on. Most people are never taught parenting skills.
“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless. I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none” Psalm 69:20.
Definitions of types of abuse outlined below:
- Physical abuse – including assault and any deliberate act resulting in physical injuries, including beatings in the guise of corporal punishment but which are delivered with fists or to the child’s head.
- Spiritual and/or Religious, including:
- The child is forced to accept the narrow, exclusive religious views of the parent or guardian to the exclusion of any other belief or possibility of any belief
- The child is starved of development in interpersonal skills and relationships in the name of religion
- The child is subjected to strange, unnatural and often perverse beliefs on sexual matters and sexual development in line with the religious belief.
- The child is discouraged or prevented from associating with any person not sharing the religious belief of the parent or guardian.
- A church can do spiritual abuse on adults. It usually is a pastor or minister who subjects its church members to a hierarchical structure that equates leadership with job title, and demands unquestioning submission and obedience from people lower down the organizational totem pole. In an abusive church, the use of guilt, fear, and intimidation to control members is likely to produce members who have a low self-image, who feel beaten down by legalism, who have been taught that asserting oneself is not spiritual. Control-oriented leaders attempt to dictate what members think, although the process is so spiritualized that members usually do notrealize what is going on.
- Sexual abuse – including incest, rape, buggery or any pedophile activity for the gratification of the abuser. The abuser usually has a sexually dysfunctional or unsatisfying relationship with their partner; sexual relations may be violent or inadequate or non-existent, and the child becomes a convenient substitute. Children who have suffered from sexual abuse usually have a great deal of shame/guilt and self-hatred toward themselves and others.
- Emotional abuse, including:
- Refusal or unwillingness or inability to express love
- Conditional love (“I don’t love you when you behave like that”)
- Loving one child to the exclusion of all others
- Cocooning and smothering, denying the child the opportunity to develop as a separate individual
- Being forced into any conflict between parents
- Being used as a pawn by warring parents
- Being forced into a caring or caretaker role at an inappropriate age
- Witnessing alcohol or substance abuse, especially on a regular basis, perhaps being forced to participate
- Witnessing violence between parents or adults
- Psychological abuse, including:
- Constant criticism of a trivial and unjustified nature
- Unjustified blame, often for things which have no connection with the child (scapegoat)
- Refusal to value
- Refusal to acknowledge the child and their achievements and/or praise
- Inconsistency in judgment
- Unclear, shifting and inconsistent boundaries, sometimes no boundaries, at other times very tight boundaries
- Refusal to make eye contact with the child over a long period
- Refusal of parents to agree with or support each other when dealing with children
- Unpredictable behavior on the part of the parents
- Unkind Words – The old saying; “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a dangerous lie. Words have spiritual values. They can create life in our spirit or they can produce death. Negativity and criticism can do more to wound and bruise the spirit than physical violence. Maybe you had parents or a father that spoken negative words or another way of saying it “word curses” over your life and you believed them.
- “The tongue has the power of life and death” Proverbs 18:21.
- “A lying tongue hates those it wounds and crushes, and a flattering mouth works ruin” Proverbs 26:28.
- “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” Proverbs 15:4.
- “The words of a man’s mouth are as deep waters” (Proverbs 18:4).
- Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth-fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs?” (James 3:10-12).
Some children are more sensitive than others and so words can pierce the soul of a child very deeply especially if they suffer with rejection. Some children are subject to hurtful or cruel parents/grandparents and/or teachers that also can cause deep wounding of the heart.
Sorrow – or heartache is a damaging emotion.
“A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache (sorrow KJV) crushes the spirit” Proverbs 15:13.
Heartbreak is frequently the end product of an unfulfilled desire or craving, the outcome of unrealistic expectations, where another person or some material pursuit is worshipped or idolized. It can also be the result of an inability to forgive and let go of those who have sinned against us.
“So also my heavenly Father will deal with every one of you if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offences” Matthew 18:35.
A wounded spirit comes as a result of a re-action to negative words, events, actions, or a violation of your person or rights – a re-action that crushes you, knocks you down and from which you cannot seem to raise. It crushes an area of your life – your spirit – that is quite devastating in how it affects us. It seems we cannot heal ourselves of a wounded spirit.
Betrayal – This is indeed a very hurtful thing to work through, especially a betrayal of confidence.
To be betrayed means “to disclose a secret or confidence treacherously; to break a promise, or be disloyal to a person’s trust; to disappoint the expectations of.”
When the children of Benjamin and Judah sought out David in the wilderness, one of the leading question he asked them was, “If you come to betray me to my enemies, seeing there is no wrong in my hands, the God of our fathers look thereon, and rebuke it” (1 Chronicles 12:16-17, KJV).
David knew the power and hurt of betrayal, and he guarded against it as much as possible. Jesus warned there would be “many offended, and shall betray one another” (Matthew 24:10). The keeping of promises and confidences is very necessary if we do not want to be guilty of wounding our friends. Jesus was betrayed!
The worse type of betrayal is usually from parents, second best friends, and third being hurt by the church leadership.
False Accusations – Is being falsely accused by someone else about you.
Sometimes it is because of jealousy, sometimes it is just enjoying seeing one put down; other times ignorant gossip. Many false accusations have no affect upon us, but then there comes one that is “a bit close to the bone.” It is directed at a loved one, or yourself, or your ministry. If we don’t see those false accusations as being what they are – false! – We can take the accusation “on board” and it lodges in our spirit. We get wounded. This is where honesty is so important. We have to be honest with God, ourselves, and other people. If the accusation is false, keep it false. Don’t give room for the enemy to “take us out” because we re-act wrongly. (If the accusation happens to be true, then we need to do something about it).
Divorce – This is another “biggie,” especially as it is so rampant in society today.
To experience going from one extreme of being so in love with someone that you marry that person, and then to see it all change to the point where they can no longer love and live together, is a great tragedy. It affects the emotions, afflicts the mind, throws the children into turmoil, upsets the wider family and relatives, and changes the course of one’s life. Rejection can become a huge issue. Many hurts are picked up. Attitudes are hardened! Later on, if those wounding are not dealt with and healed, the “baggage” from the broken marriage is carried over to a new relationship. Often the process repeats itself. More hurts and wounding eventuate.
Rejection/Abandonment – Some children have had extreme rejection or abandonment from parents because of an unwanted pregnancy or born at an inconvenient time.
Most people have deep fears of rejection and abandonment, as well as of domination and engulfment. These fears stem from childhood experiences and from defining our worth externally through others’ approval, rather than internally through spiritual eyes of truth. We will be unable to share our love to the fullest extent until we heal these fears of loss of other and of loss of self. We will be unable to create the safe relationship space in which to share love, and a safe world in which to live, until we learn how to create safety within.
Trauma – A reaction to trauma is the person’s tendency to identify himself / herself to a victim. See abuse that covers some types of trauma.
Again there are different types of trauma. Trauma can happen through natural disaster, war, attack, sexual abuse, ritual abuse, spiritual, psychological and physical violence, abandonment from the family, living alone in the streets at a young age, etc.), the main characteristic is the person’s impossibility to face the experience. Such a reaction reinforces the traumatic effect on the child’s personality: decrease of self-confidence, self-esteem and self-image, these children do not trust in their inner strengths to deal with life experiences any more, and they are feeling deep mistrust towards environment and future, they are suffering from feelings of helplessness and inner insecurity. Identifying themselves to victims increase these troubles, like a “confirmation” of the children’s helplessness and incapacity to face experiences and stimulations coming from environment.
Conditional Love – conditional love can cause a broken heart. Love is the lifeblood of our spirit. The human heart is the place where God should reside and manifest His love. Man’s spirit body should vibrate in oneness with the love of God, directing the actions of our physical body.
Conditional love, or loving “if,” is based on someone acting a certain way. In other words, someone who loves with conditions will love a person only if he or she behaves a certain way or lives his or her life in a manner pleasing to the other person. A person who grew up with conditional love will have a hard time accepting God’s love freely. They will be performance driven to earn God’s love.
Sin – Sin is the curse of humanity! Sin is whatever comes between God and us! It affects our spirit! In Psalm 38 we read of David acknowledging a wounding in his life and spirit:
- “Your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down upon me . . . there is no health in my body; my bones have no soundness because of my sin. My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly . . . ” (Psalm 38:1-5, NIV).
David was hurting because of his guilt and consciousness of sin.
- “For your sin is an incurable bruise, a terrible wound. There is no one to help you or to bind up your wound and no medicine does any good. All your lovers have left you and don’t care anything about you any more; for I have wounded you cruelly, as though I were your enemy; mercilessly, as though I were an implacable foe; for your sins are so many, your guilt is so great” (Jeremiah 30:12-14, TLB).
David was hurting because of his guilt and consciousness of sin.
- “For your sin is an incurable bruise, a terrible wound. There is no one to help you or to bind up your wound and no medicine does any good. All your lovers have left you and don’t care anything about you any more; for I have wounded you cruelly, as though I were your enemy; mercilessly, as though I were an implacable foe; for your sins are so many, your guilt is so great” (Jeremiah 30:12-14, TLB).
If you struggle with unforgiveness toward your parent for any of the above, try to see that the Lord used your parents to bring life to you. He put it in you to find the Lord as your father to meet all your needs. When we accept Christ, we receive a new identity in Him (2 Cor. 5:17). We become adopted into His kingdom (Romans 8:19).
If a person does not receive the Love that God created us to receive, whether settle or bruttle, a person will stop loving or never learn to love him or herself at all – they will have self-hatred. The area of self-hatred is the most obscure and most difficult part of the great commandment. Matthew 22:37-39 “37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” How can you love the Lord with all your heart when you don’t have all your heart or love your neighbors or yourself if you have a broken heart!
Having a broken heart will separate you in all or one of these areas that causes problems in your spiritual walk. These areas are areas of unforgiveness/bitterness. Not able to forgive others, God, or yourself. That’s why the Lord gave us Matthew 22:37-39 which deals with these three areas.
a. Others b. God c. Self
God is serious of you loving you, as He is serious of you loving Him. He made you in his image. You are joint heirs with Christ. If you don’t love yourself, then you are in self-hatred. That means you are despising God’s creation of you! That is sin and you need to repent of it!
When we have separation in any of these areas, then it affects you in six areas: mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and financially.
A person with a broken heart struggles in discerning the voice of God. They usually are not hearing the acceptance. They are hearing less than and shame and fear, self-criticism, judgment, self-judgment, self-condemnation, etc. It sounds like their own voice. Why, either God is going to talk to your spirit or Satan is going to talk to your spirit 24/7. There are only two kingdoms out there. When we agree with the voice of the enemy over and over then a stronghold is formed that we believe is true. Example, the enemy tells you that you committed a sin that God will not forgive and you feel rejected by God. You begin to believe and live out what you believe. Proverbs 23:7 “7For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
A person with a broken heart, loose sight and never come to understand their identity in Christ. When we have a broken heart, you don’t believe the promises. You will have a hard time believing it. Why, because your heart is like a bucket with holes in it. This insures our brokenness continues because we become overcome, rejection, abandonment, fear, shame, guilt, etc. The nightmares usually progresses often bringing diseases with it because the person with a broken heart get caught up on the performance wheel – performance, perfection, doing, trying, perfecting. You will madly strive to prove to the world and to yourself that you have value or worth. Or just shut down and live in a silent merciless hell of isolation or a little of both.
The Lord became a curse for us. He gave us the tools to recognize, to discern the voice, reject it, and cast out vain imaginations.
Remember what Paul taught us:
2 Corinthians 10 (KJV) for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;):
- Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
Focusing on God’s truth and denying Satan’s lies is therefore not simply a “reprogramming” of our minds, nor is it a failure to deal with the deepest sinful power of the flesh. It is, in fact, God’s way in which the underlying power of sin is overcome by the power and life of God.
- Step 1 Acknowledging and properly expressing the hurt.
- “He restores my soul…” Just what does restoration of our human spirit entail?
It includes mending or repairing our psyche and emotional stasis. Restoration allows our human spirit to soar -to function as God in tends – and to contribute its part in attaining the incredible potential in God’s Plan.
First, know the Lord cares for every hurt you have ever had in your life. The Lord wants to take your pain. Second, make a list from your earliest memories to the present of everyone that has ever hurt you physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, events and places where you were hurt, etc. Third, be honest with the Lord. You might be surprised of feelings and emotions that surface as you write your list out. It is very possible to have a broken heart for years – and yet fail to admit it and to deal with it because of emotional hurts because of age, and or way of self-protection, or going into denial! How did the Job respond to the horrendous tragedies that killed his seven sons and three daughters?
- Job 1:20-22 “Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshipped. And he said: ‘Naked I came from my ‘mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.’ In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.”
Step 2 – Dealing with anger, resentment, bitterness, and hatred and releasing those emotions.
First, done be afraid of your emotions or the pain you feel. Second, give yourself permission to feel the pain and give God permission to pull up the pain. Because when you start writing your list out and you feel like crying over a situation, go ahead and cry and release the pain to the Lord. See yourself giving your pain over to the Lord and see yourself giving this person over the Lord and forgive them. Our emotions have an amazing capacity for good – and for evil (or bad). Failing to deal with strong negative emotions can have devastating consequences. When we feel angry over someone or something that is indication of unforgiveness, bitterness, and/or broken heart.
- Ephesians 4:26-27-“Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”
You might even feel angry, resentment, bitterness or hatred over a person or situation as you make out your list. Be willing to forgive these people. Unresolved anger is like a spiritual cancer. It tends to grow and spill over into all of our relationships. It will separate you from others!
Many of our relationships – marital, family, work, etc. — need emotional and spiritual healing. Unclear and unloving communication is the biggest problem in relationships.
- Proverbs 25:28 — “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls
- Ephesians 4:31-“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.” (These must be re placed with forgiveness and love for others). Bitterness becomes a spiritual poison. We must not allow its presence in our lives.
Acts 8:23 — As Peter said to Simon the Sorcerer, “For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity.”
Have you ever hated anyone? John says, “if you hate your brother, is a spirit of murder.” That doesn’t mean you want to kill them but you hate them and that is a spirit of murder. They have spirit of bitterness, bitterness being supported by unforgiveness, unforgiveness being supported by resentment (Matthew 20:21-24), and resentment being supported by retaliation (Romans 12:17-19) and retaliation being supported by anger and anger (James 1:18-21) being supported by hatred (Titus 3:3-5) and hatred being supported by violence (Gen 6:13) and violence being supported by murder (John 8:42-44, 1 John 3:15).
Sometimes we fail to relinquish — or release — the hurt, the pain, and the agony. “God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces.” That means every time an event or person comes to mind that bring ill feeling, and then release the hurt to the Lord.
Releasing the hurt and being at peace with ourselves Philippians 4:7 – “and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Step 3 – Forgiving Others, Yourself and God and what happens when you don’t!
Are we willing to forgive others, even if they have hurt you and don’t feel like it?
Remember, it is not an emotion to forgive or even an option. It is a requirement that we do or else it separates a person from God, others or ourselves that cause problems in the spiritual walk. We don’t have the right to carry the offense or take justice in our own hands, as it is not our job, “…vengeance belongs to the Lord…” (Psalms 94:1). Remember, forgiving does not always mean it is wise to re-establish or to continue a relationship. God does not expect you to stay in, to continue, or to reestablish an abusive relationship.
Unforgiveness and bitterness puts a breach in your relational walk with the Lord, others and yourself and unforgiveness and bitterness causes sickness in emotionally, mental, physically and spiritually. Any time there is a breach in love, sickness, disease and demons have a right to come in and steal from you. That is what the enemy’s job is to “kill, steal and destroy you…” (John 10:10).
Your immune system is tied up in the bones. In fact bitterness and unforgiveness is a root to most cancers and arthritis and other diseases. “A wounded spirit, who can bear!” Out of the wound oozes the stench of self-pity, bitterness, and accusation. Many physicians are on record as stating that over 50% of our illnesses have their origin in our minds and spirits. In other words, germs, physical malfunction, and unpreventable accidents do not cause half the trouble that comes from guilt, nervous tension, emotional stress, and spiritual unrest. Our disturbing sense of guilt and deep-rooted fear play havoc with our health and well-being. That does not mean to say that all cancer comes from bitterness and unforgiveness. Cancer can be generational curses. Meaning, your great grandfather/grandmother, grandfather/grandmother and even parents could have had cancer. It could have been from sin in the bloodline that brought the curse of iniquity.
The good news is that Jesus died on the cross and gave us keys through Him to break the generational curses. Also, a person who does not taking care of themselves by not eating right, sleeping and abusing their body can cause the body to become sick. The medical journal indicates that we all have the cancer virus in our bodies but our bodies when not working properly cannot fight the virus.
- Proverbs 12:25 “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.”
Depression by life experiences in the heart.” Mental and emotional problems!
- Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” How do you get a broken heart, feel hopeless for a long period of time, be abused, neglected, conditionally loved, be misused, get into a hopeless situation. Spiritual trouble!
- Proverbs 14:30 “A sound heart is life to the body, But envy is rottenness to the bones.” Physical sickness in the body!
- Proverbs 17:22 “A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones. Physical sickness in the body!
- Proverbs 18:14 “The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?” Physical sickness in the body when there is a broken heart. Envy and Jealousy.
- Proverbs 15:30 “The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, And a good report makes the bones healthy.” A healed heart has a physically healthy body!
- Proverbs 15:15 “All the days of the afflicted are evil, But he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast.” Mental torment.
- Proverbs 16:23 “The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, And adds learning to his lips.” The person with a broken heart will be murmuring and miserable. They will be talking, lack of faith, doubt and fear.” Spiritual fear, doubt and unbelief.
- Hebrews 12:15 “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.”
- Proverbs 25:28 “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit, Is like a city broken down, without walls.” Meaning anything can attack that city (your body) such as sicknesses. Meaning you don’t have rule over your heart. In Isaiah 61:4: “ And they shall rebuild the old ruins, They shall raise up the former desolations, And they shall repair the ruined cities, The desolations of many generations.“
- Proverbs 15:13 – 13 A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”
- Proverbs 17:22 “22A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” Your immune system is tied up in the bones.
- Proverbs 25:28 “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. In other words, anything can attack that city or another way your mind, body soul and spirit.
First, make up in your mind to forgive those people that have hurt you. Second, every time a person or time comes to mind that has an ill feeling, submit it to the Lord by asking forgiveness until this thought or feeling stops coming. That is why the Lord said to forgive 70 x 7 (Matthew 18:21-22). The enemy will continue to bring it to mind. You have a choice to forgive and refuse to grab hold on it again. This might go on for weeks because the enemy is an accuser of the saints. So, that is a form of warfare is to continually submit it to the Lord and confess your unforgiveness or ill feelings of a particular person(s) or event to the Lord. This is also renewing the mind because you are taking every thought captive. The enemy likes to torment and throw thoughts and events and people back at us that have hurt you.
Matthew 18:21-22 – “Then Peter came to Him and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”
Bitterness and unforgiveness can be a generational stronghold. If your parents could not forgive easily, most likely you cannot forgive easily and will need the generational stronghold broken.
Jesus then proceeded to give the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. When the servant failed to have compassion on his fellow servant, Christ gave this serious warning.
Matthew 18:35 -” So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
What is the major point–the main lesson— of Christ’s parable of the unforgiving servant? God requires of each of us that we forgive others their trespasses or offences against us. Allow the Lord to deal with the person that hurt you. Otherwise, unforgiveness will be heavy on your heart and bring separation either from God, others or yourself. It allows the enemy the right to bring torment and also to bring sickness. He has the right because the door is open. You will loose out on your blessing.
Third, be willing to release and bless our enemies and pray for them with a right heart. That does not mean to ask God to expose them to others but to have a right heart. Love covers a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8)
Matthew 5:43-45-“You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven …”
Separating the offence from the offender can be extremely difficult. Jesus Christ can help us to hate sin – but to love sinners (in the sense that we focus on their future potential when God teaches them His ways).
If you still have a hard time forgiving someone, try to see them that it is the sin in them and not them. What do I mean! Paul said in Romans 7:14-17 that he does those things because the sin that is within him. “14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 6 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 7As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.”
Forth, see that repentance can a beautiful and positive. Our society has made forgiveness a negative instead of a positive. Fifth, make it daily or every time someone hurts you or comes to mind. That means taking every thought captive as it was said earlier Ephesians 4:23 — “… be renewed in the spirit of your mind.” Jesus quoted in Matthew 6:9-15 gave the outline in coming to him and how to keep our hearts cleansed and the door shut from the enemy.
Matthew 6:9-15 9 After this manner therefore pray ye: “Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. 10 Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. 14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
This outline is a way of life and a way of approaching the Father. If we examine our hearts daily and follow these principles and be honest with God, then expect a wonderful and marvelous relationship with God, and others. Unforgiveness is the glue that keeps the wounded heart oozing out with pain.
Forgiving yourself seems to be more difficult than to forgive others. The process for emotional healing is asking God to forgive you and to cleanse you. You might have done bad things in the past that you feel is unforgivable. The truth is no sin is too big for God to handle that he cannot forgive. Guilt, shame and blame are the primary emotions that accompany someone who has not forgiven themselves. Guilt is a form of self-judgment and self-condemnation that we often impose upon ourselves. It produces anxiety, inferiority, fear, and worry. There might be others and so ask the Lord what is blocking you to accept His forgiveness? The enemy is liar and an accuser and does not want you to let go of your guilt. Accusation is Satan’s greatest tactic to get us to give up on our relationship with God. He accuses us so that we will turn to self-condemnation.
You might have self hatred operating in your life where you cannot accept yourself or see that you are God’s perfect creation. Not accepting yourself is rejecting God’s creation and rejecting yourself or self-rejection. Satan wants you to not like yourself. Satan a liar and the father of all lies (John 8:44 “Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.”)
That is why we need to be able to discern the voices that play in our heads. God is love and will only speak in love and in conviction. Conviction is freeing. It shows us what we need to change in order to step closer to our God. The enemy will accuse you and bring more pain and keep you in bondage. Condemnation drives people to make excuses for their sin, keeping them bound and separated from a close relationship with God. This is why so many people rage against religion, rejecting warnings and clutching their sins ever closer.
Condemnation rejects the person, not the sin. Conviction rejects the sin, not the person. Romans 8:1 powerfully proclaims, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
The prophet Micah describes God like this: “That is Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (Micah 7:18,19, NIV). The Lord forgave you so you need to forgive yourself. That is why we need to be able to discern the voices that play in our heads. God is love and will only speak in love and in conviction. The enemy will accuse you and bring more pain and keep you in bondage.
Many people with broken hearts need deep healing and need to go to someone that knows how to administer spiritual healing in their lives.
It is just as important to forgive God as well as others. Why, because again in the 10 Commandments, Jesus said in Luke 10:27 “He answered: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’. If not it will put a breach in your spiritual life. The enemy will have you where he wants you to be.
The reason you are not able to forgive God is:
You didn’t have a godly father on earth. The Lord is your true father who you will be spending eternity with
You don’t see that He has a plan and a purpose for your life and knows what is best for you because of the pain of the past and having a broken heart.
You blame God instead of the enemy that is out to kill, steal and destroy YOU!
You believe the Lord is not for you!
What happens when we don’t deal with broken hearts/wounded spirit and/or refuse to forgive in all three areas (others, God and you)? The enemy will have a right to access your life in six different areas such as mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, and relationally.
Separation (others, god and yourself) with the enemy trying to kill, steal and destroy you and your relationship with others and God. You will not be able to draw near because of trust issues.
You will have a hard time trusting other people around you. Sometimes struggle with paranoia.
Evidence of more curses in our lives than blessings in either or all the areas of mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, relational, and financial problems.
Suffer from anxiety attacks (emotional, mentally – spirit of fear) problems and sickness in your body because of what anxiety does to the immune system because you are not able to trust the Lord with your whole heart.
The enemy will cause destruction in your family through your children going into captivity because of unforgiveness, sins and sins of iniquities from forefather. Read Daniel 9 talks about iniquities or sins of the forefather that Daniel dealt with and confessed for the nation of Israel.
The enemy (spiritually) will rob you of from experiencing joy or peace.
The enemy will bombard you with temptations to get you to sin and will have problems with addictions (drugs, sex, work, computers, pornography, etc.
Will not be able to have a victorious life and be depressed and even suffer from suicidal thoughts especially when the storms of life come because he is out to kills, steal and destroy you. You don’t feel justified or have faith or feel hopeless. You will not be able to glorify the Lord in your tribulation.
God is not able to forgive you and you are not under his protective covering and the enemy has access to your life – mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, and relationally to keep you in pain such tormenting you with flashbacks and nightmares.
You will most likely be driven to people please striving to prove to the world and yourself that you have value or worth because of low self esteem, shame, a spirit of rejection, abandonment, etc. You will believe the lies of the enemy because you don’t know who you are in Christ and you are listening to the wrong kingdom (spirit of accusation – you are not listening to the voice of love but of hate). You will have strongholds of the mind.
You will be plagued from different types of diseases.
You will fight to keep from financial ruin.
Step 4 – Letting go of the past and reaching forward toward the future and the next time someone hurts you.
Philippians 3:13-15-“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore, let us, as many as are mature, have this mind.”
The memory of the event or person might still be there but the sting can be removed after forgiveness and/or God or someone that can pull the pain up and out removes the pain. The Lord is the restorer of all things. He can take all things and turn it for good. For example, an area you were tormented by the enemy with and you got victory. You now have a testimony to share and encourage others of your victory in Him. You can praise the Lord for what He has done! Then the enemy has no power over you in this area to torment you with.
Just remember to “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard (your heart), for out of it flows the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)
How to Keep a Healed and Cleansed Heart and the Enemy Out and Walking in Health – the 8R’s to stay restored!
Recognize – every thought comes to you comes from some kingdom. Is it accusation, guilt, shame, rejection, etc. or is it love. 2 Corinthians 10:4-6 “4For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.” We react to every thought that comes into our minds. It changes the chemicals in our mind. We need to learn renewed in my minds and freed from strongholds.
Responsibility – regardless how much abuse you have had you are still responsible for your sin. If someone hurts you, it is your responsibility to forgive him or her. Psalms 51:2-4 “2Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin. 3For I acknowledge my transgressions, And my sin is always before me. 4Against You, You only, have I sinned, And done this evil in Your sight– That You may be found just when You speak, And blameless when You judge.
Repent – I recognize sin and taken responsibility for it and I’m choosing to turn from it. I let it go. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Renounce – (he was renouncing it very clearly) – Paul did not want to sin. Romans 7:14-25 “15For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. 16If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 18For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. 19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 I thank God–through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
Remove It – remove the temptation or remove the sin such as rejection, etc. Mathew 4:1-5 “1Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2And when He had fasted forty days and forty nights, afterward He was hungry. 3Now when the tempter came to Him, he said, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” 4But He answered and said, “It is written, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” 5Then the devil took Him up into the holy city, set Him on the pinnacle of the temple, 7Jesus said to him, “It is written again, “You shall not tempt the LORD your God.” 8Again, the devil took Him up on an exceedingly high mountain, and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. 9And he said to Him, “All these things I will give You if You will fall down and worship me.” 10Then Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! For it is written, “You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve.”
Resist – Accusation will try to come back so resist it. That is why we need to discern good and evil. The Devil gives afflictions. I Peter 5:6-9 “6Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 7casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 8Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 9Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.”
Rejoice – thanksgiving is thanking God for what he has done. Praise is a warfare tool. Even if it is not done yet praise him for the healing that is coming.
Restore – We need to get involved and become proactive. If that means sharing your testimony to others to give hope, teaching them and then delivering them as well.
More on how to walk in victory in the Light of Christ after your heart is healed?
Keep your house filled with the Word of God and praise and worship; strengthen your relationship with the Godhead. Ephesians 5:26 “That he might santify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.
Fellowship with other Christians. You may have to reevaluate some of your old relationships. Establish fellowship with positive, likeminded people in your area. Acts 2:42 “And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship and in breaking of bread and in prayer.
Hold every thought captive. Discern good from evil. Separate lies (even from a loved one) from God’s truth. Replace the lies of the enemy with the word of God. The battle starts in your mind. Read 2 Corinthians 10:4-6.
Dwell on godly thoughts and promises – Reflect on things with virtue and praise and thanksgiving. Thank about the positive things. Read Philippians 4:8
Quit thinking about the past. Let go of the past failures and traumas. Self-pity is the superglue of hell that ties you to the past. Keep your mind on God. When a thought comes to mind from the past, pull the vain imagination down by not meditating on the past issue in view in the mind. Train your mind to get off the failures and traumas and redirect your mind on the good things of the Lord. Philippians 3:13 “This one thing that I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things that are before.
Guard your heart. Guard against doubt, unbelief, discouragement and despair. Have patience. God’s timing and ways are perfect. Proverbs 4:23 “keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
Have faith in God. Without faith it is impossible to please him. Believe God’s word, no matter what we see in natural circumstances. 2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.”
Watch your mouth! Your words today will create your life tomorrow. If it’s not godly, don’t say it. The tongue determines life or death. Read James 3:6,8.
Guard your eyes and ears. Your eyes are the windows of your soul. Be careful of what you see and hear. Be selective of movies, television programs, and books. Be very discerning about what kind of music and radio programs that you listen to. Read Isaiah 33:15-16.
Separate people from their sin. Observe their actions without judging them. Matthew 7:1 “Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Indecision leads to ungodliness. Choose God in everything. Decide to be in peace. James 1:8 “A doubled-minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Be willing to go into the fire (see Daniel 3). The battle is in the fire. Stop making an idol of illness or programmed behavior. Face your fears and stressors in order to overcome them.
Remember that all good things come from God. James 1:17 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.