How does someone get a broken heart? Part 5
Here are some of the ways (abuse, unkind words, sorrow, betrayal, false accusations, divorce, rejection/abandonment, trauma, conditional love, etc.) listed below:
Abuse – Abuse takes on four forms: physical, spiritual/religious abuse or cult abuse (emotional, mental and verbal), sexual and psychological abuse (emotional, mental and verbal). Abusers are usually brought up in a dysfunctional family. The more abusive the adult, the more dysfunctional the family …and so on. Most people are never taught parenting skills.
“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless. I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none” Psalm 69:20.
Definitions of types of abuse outlined below:
Physical abuse – including assault and any deliberate act resulting in physical injuries, including beatings in the guise of corporal punishment but which are delivered with fists or to the child’s head.
Spiritual and/or Religious, including:
• The child is forced to accept the narrow, exclusive religious views of the parent or guardian to the exclusion of any other belief or possibility of any belief
• The child is starved of development in interpersonal skills and relationships in the name of religion
• The child is subjected to strange, unnatural and often perverse beliefs on sexual matters and sexual development in line with the religious belief
• The child is discouraged or prevented from associating with any person not sharing the religious belief of the parent or guardian.
A church can do spiritual abuse on adults
It usually is a pastor or minister who subjects its church members to a hierarchical structure that equates leadership with job title, and demands unquestioning submission and obedience from people lower down the organizational totem pole. In an abusive church, the use of guilt, fear, and intimidation to control members is likely to produce members who have a low self-image, who feel beaten down by legalism, who have been taught that asserting oneself is not spiritual. Control-oriented leaders attempt to dictate what members think, although the process is so spiritualized that members usually do notrealize what is going on.
Sexual abuse – including incest, rape, buggery or any pedophile activity for the gratification of the abuser. The abuser usually has a sexually dysfunctional or unsatisfying relationship with their partner; sexual relations may be violent or inadequate or non-existent, and the child becomes a convenient substitute. Children who have suffered from sexual abuse usually have a great deal of shame/guilt and self-hatred toward themselves and others.
Emotional abuse, including:
• Refusal or unwillingness or inability to express love
• Conditional love (“I don’t love you when you behave like that”)
• Loving one child to the exclusion of all others
• Cocooning and smothering, denying the child the opportunity to develop as a separate individual
• Being forced into any conflict between parents
• Being used as a pawn by warring parents
• Being forced into a caring or caretaker role at an inappropriate age
• Witnessing alcohol or substance abuse, especially on a regular basis, perhaps being forced to participate
• Witnessing violence between parents or adults
Psychological abuse, including:
• Constant criticism of a trivial and unjustified nature
• Unjustified blame, often for things which have no connection with the child (scapegoat)
• Refusal to value
• Refusal to acknowledge the child and their achievements and/or praise
• Inconsistency in judgment
• Unclear, shifting and inconsistent boundaries, sometimes no boundaries, at other times very tight boundaries
• Refusal to make eye contact with the child over a long period
• Refusal of parents to agree with or support each other when dealing with children
• Unpredictable behavior on the part of the parents
Unkind Words – The old saying; “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a dangerous lie. Words have spiritual values. They can create life in our spirit or they can produce death. Negativity and criticism can do more to wound and bruise the spirit than physical violence. Maybe you had parents or a father that spoken negative words or another way of saying it “word curses” over your life and you believed them.
“The tongue has the power of life and death” Proverbs 18:21.
“A lying tongue hates those it wounds and crushes, and a flattering mouth works ruin” Proverbs 26:28. “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” Proverbs 15:4. “The words of a man’s mouth are as deep waters” (Proverbs 18:4).
Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth-fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs?” (James 3:10-12).
Some children are more sensitive than others and so words can pierce the soul of a child very deeply especially if they suffer with rejection. Some children are subject to hurtful or cruel parents/grandparents and/or teachers that also can cause deep wounding of the heart.
Sorrow – or heartache is a damaging emotion.
“A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache (sorrow KJV) crushes the spirit” Proverbs 15:13.
Heartbreak is frequently the end product of an unfulfilled desire or craving, the outcome of unrealistic expectations, where another person or some material pursuit is worshipped or idolized. It can also be the result of an inability to forgive and let go of those who have sinned against us.
“So also my heavenly Father will deal with every one of you if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offences” Matthew 18:35.
A wounded spirit comes as a result of a re-action to negative words, events, actions, or a violation of your person or rights – a re-action that crushes you, knocks you down and from which you cannot seem to raise. It crushes an area of your life – your spirit – that is quite devastating in how it affects us. It seems we cannot heal ourselves of a wounded spirit.
Betrayal – This is indeed a very hurtful thing to work through, especially a betrayal of confidence.
To be betrayed means “to disclose a secret or confidence treacherously; to break a promise, or be disloyal to a person’s trust; to disappoint the expectations of.”
When the children of Benjamin and Judah sought out David in the wilderness, one of the leading question he asked them was, “If you come to betray me to my enemies, seeing there is no wrong in my hands, the God of our fathers look thereon, and rebuke it” (1 Chronicles 12:16-17, KJV).
David knew the power and hurt of betrayal, and he guarded against it as much as possible. Jesus warned there would be “many offended, and shall betray one another” (Matthew 24:10). The keeping of promises and confidences is very necessary if we do not want to be guilty of wounding our friends. Jesus was betrayed!
The worse type of betrayal is usually from parents, second best friends, and third being hurt by the church leadership.
False Accusations – Is being falsely accused by someone else about you.
Sometimes it is because of jealousy, sometimes it is just enjoying seeing one put down; other times ignorant gossip. Many false accusations have no affect upon us, but then there comes one that is “a bit close to the bone.” It is directed at a loved one, or yourself, or your ministry. If we don’t see those false accusations as being what they are – false!
We can take the accusation “on board” and it lodges in our spirit. We get wounded. This is where honesty is so important. We have to be honest with God, ourselves, and other people. If the accusation is false, keep it false. Don’t give room for the enemy to “take us out” because we re-act wrongly. (If the accusation happens to be true, then we need to do something about it).
– This is another “biggie,” especially as it is so rampant in society today. To experience going from one extreme of being so in love with someone that you marry that person, and then to see it all change to the point where they can no longer love and live together, is a great tragedy. It affects the emotions, afflicts the mind, throws the children into turmoil, upsets the wider family and relatives, and changes the course of one’s life. Rejection can become a huge issue. Many hurts are picked up. Attitudes are hardened! Later on, if those wounding are not dealt with and healed, the “baggage” from the broken marriage is carried over to a new relationship. Often the process repeats itself. More hurts and wounding eventuate.
Rejection/Abandonment – Some children have had extreme rejection or abandonment from parents because of an unwanted pregnancy or born at an inconvenient time. This opens the door for a spirit of fear and spirit of abandonment which can be physical or emotional spirit of abandonment.
Most people have deep fears of rejection and abandonment, as well as of domination and engulfment. These fears stem from childhood experiences and from defining our worth externally through others’ approval, rather than internally through spiritual eyes of truth. We will be unable to share our love to the fullest extent until we heal these fears of loss of other and of loss of self. We will be unable to create the safe relationship space in which to share love, and a safe world in which to live, until we learn how to create safety within.
Trauma – A reaction to trauma is the person’s tendency to identify himself / herself to a victim. See abuse that covers some types of trauma. Trauma creates a doorpoint for a spirit of fear to come into a persons life creating fight to flight responses.
Again there are different types of trauma. Trauma can happen through natural disaster, war, attack, sexual abuse, ritual abuse, spiritual, psychological and physical violence, abandonment from the family, living alone in the streets at a young age, etc.), the main characteristic is the person’s impossibility to face the experience. Such a reaction reinforces the traumatic effect on the child’s personality: decrease of self-confidence, self-esteem and self-image, these children do not trust in their inner strengths to deal with life experiences any more, and they are feeling deep mistrust towards environment and future, they are suffering from feelings of helplessness and inner insecurity. Identifying themselves to victims increase these troubles, like a “confirmation” of the children’s helplessness and incapacity to face experiences and stimulations coming from environment.
Conditional Love – conditional love can cause a broken heart. Love is the lifeblood of our spirit. The human heart is the place where God should reside and manifest His love. Man’s spirit body should vibrate in oneness with the love of God, directing the actions of our physical body.
Conditional love, or loving “if,” is based on someone acting a certain way. In other words, someone who loves with conditions will love a person only if he or she behaves a certain way or lives his or her life in a manner pleasing to the other person. A person who grew up with conditional love will have a hard time accepting God’s love freely. They will be performance driven to earn God’s love.
Sin – Sin is the curse of humanity! Sin is whatever comes between God and us! It affects our spirit! In Psalm 38 we read of David acknowledging a wounding in his life and spirit:
“Your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down upon me . . . there is no health in my body; my bones have no soundness because of my sin. My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly . . . ” (Psalm 38:1-5, NIV).
David was hurting because of his guilt and consciousness of sin.
“For your sin is an incurable bruise, a terrible wound. There is no one to help you or to bind up your wound and no medicine does any good. All your lovers have left you and don’t care anything about you any more; for I have wounded you cruelly, as though I were your enemy; mercilessly, as though I were an implacable foe; for your sins are so many, your guilt is so great” (Jeremiah 30:12-14, TLB).
David was hurting because of his guilt and consciousness of sin.
“For your sin is an incurable bruise, a terrible wound. There is no one to help you or to bind up your wound and no medicine does any good. All your lovers have left you and don’t care anything about you any more; for I have wounded you cruelly, as though I were your enemy; mercilessly, as though I were an implacable foe; for your sins are so many, your guilt is so great” (Jeremiah 30:12-14, TLB).
If you struggle with unforgiveness toward your parent for any of the above, try to see that the Lord used your parents to bring life to you. He put it in you to find the Lord as your father to meet all your needs. When we accept Christ, we receive a new identity in Him (2 Cor. 5:17). We become adopted into His kingdom (Romans 8:19).
If a person does not receive the Love that God created us to receive, whether settle or bruttle, a person will stop loving or never learn to love him or herself at all – they will have self-hatred. The area of self-hatred is the most obscure and most difficult part of the great commandment. Matthew 22:37-39 “37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” How can you love the Lord with all your heart when you don’t have all your heart or love your neighbors or yourself if you have a broken heart!
a. Others b. God c. Self
Part 1 – Do You Have A Broken Heart?
Part 2 – Has Anyone Ever Told You that You Have a Broken Heart?
Part 3 – A Broken heart From Life’s Devastation
Part 4 – Broken Heart Negative Thoughts DNA Changed
Part 5 – How Does Someone Get A Broken Heart?
Part 6 – God Wants to Heal Your Broken Heart
Part 7 – Diseases From A Broken Heart
Part 8 – Steps To Heal The Broken Heart
Part 9 – Walking Victorious After Broken Heart Healed
Set Captives Free From Disease Bible Study Dallas
By: Traci Morin, The ministry of deliverance healing
Ordained Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ
Touch of God Healing Ministries (Ministry in Dallas Tx). If you live in the Dallas area, come to Set Free Bible Study, North Dallas Ministries, and start your journey of healing! We teach the Word of God, group ministry and personal ministry and walk with you until you are healed body, soul and spirit because the Truth in God’s Word Sets You Free.
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