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Tired of Measuring Up to Get Your Needs Met? Are you Tired?
Decision, you now choose, either to give up or to try harder. You conclude that your performance has failed, the situation is hopeless, and you are a shameful, defective individual, you will give up. This is the way that fits best with your assessment or yourself.
The Behavior
When you act in a way that’s consistent with your shame, the cycle is complete. You will end up doing exactly what you hate doing because of the shame and guilt you feel. The worst part is that it is not complete and starts over! You feel bad as you “need” to feel bad. You might even perpetuate the bad feelings yourself. The feeling of shame is ingrained into your identity.
The Cheerleaders:
While part of the cycle is happening, people in your life observe your behavior and shame you for:
• What’s wrong with you?
• How can you act that way?
• Why don’t you take care of yourself?
• You should be ashamed?
• Don’t you care what people are thinking about you?
• Don’t you care about yourself? Etc.
The cheerleaders compare you to others. The cheerleaders can be your parents, siblings, friends, etc. They will quote bible verses to you.
Trying Hard:
Trying harder is not the way to break the cycle. Shame is a master of disguise.
The mind: Belief – You seem to reject the message. At first you react against the validity of the outside source, rejecting it as a legitimate source of messages about you. Second, you react against what the outside source says about you. No longer the prosecutor, you become the defense attorney, determine to prove your innocence. Even though you are reacting to them, the fact is the shame has reached you. Your response is different, but the wound is there.
Decision, you make the choice to give u or try harder. You decide you can do better, the situation is hopeful, and you are going to establish once and for all that you are capable.
Messages that Shame
The Behavior:
The try harder cycle has begun. You might have positive turn of events that fills you with hope. You begin relationship with a person or group of people who pep-talk you into believing that you really are capable. But you are still driven by shame. Giving into others guilt and shame but doing it much harder to please and get affirmation from others, such as parents, friends, etc. It might be the only way to receive love from your parents is to do everything for them and deny your own feelings even if you are tired and worn out and have problems in your personal life. You will kill yourself to meet their need because that is what is expected from you and you are the source to make them feel better. They depend on you. If you don’t, you will receive guilt piled on you that makes you feel shame and feel guilty, and then you give in. You will do it the best without complaining. You might say, everyone expects me to do it. That is my role, or that is what is expected from me. I have to do that cause no one else will do it.” You do it to get that little affirmation or to feel better about yourself as a person. If you are not doing with all effort, you might loose out on that affirmation you call “love and acceptance.”
Outside
Source “TRY Positive Behavior HARD”
You think positive behavior promises to cure the shame. You are great, see how capable you are, you are loved and accepted now. You would think the cycle is complete, but it is not. Even if you get the praise, your mind rejects the praise. You simply don’t believe the messages. In your mind you will hear I’m still not good enoukgh I could do better, they will not give me any strokes, etc. These are the lies you believe in your mind. Your self appraisal has not changed.
Get good teaching about the bride of Christ and the Bridegroom. See International House of Prayer Free Teachings by Mike Bickle.
Tired of Measuring Up:
You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
by: Traci Morin
Servant and Ordained Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ
Touch of God Healing Ministries (a healing and deliverance ministry located in Dallas, Texas). If you live in the Dallas area, come to Set Free Bible Study and start your journey of healing!
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If you are not saved, please look to get saved because time is short.
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